Could You Be Unconsciously Self-Sabotaging Conception?

Could You Be Unconsciously Self-Sabotaging Conception?

 You and your partner have been doing all the ‘right’ things to promote conception including eating and drinking healthily, practitioner herbal supplements, exercising moderately, detoxifying your environment and your bodies, de-stressing your lives, and having lots of lovely sex, particularly around ovulation. It’s been over 12 months, there’s no physical reason not to, but you still haven’t conceived, so what else might be happening?

Statistics vary, but approximately 1 in 6 Australian couples are labeled ‘infertile’, that is, haven’t conceived within 12 months, and out of those, for roughly 20% there is no physical reason not to conceive.  You aren’t alone!

 The power of the mind over the body is well documented.  If you have reached the stage where the sight of a baby or a pregnant woman upsets you, you’ve trained your body to associate babies with pain, and of course, pain is something we instinctively avoid.  Fortunately it’s also possible to re-train yourself, and anchor in a powerful positive response to babies and pregnancy.  Typically that intense level of negative response comes after years of disappointment, so what could be happening to block conception before that point?

 The key is in how we learn to survive in our world.  Every second of the day and night our senses are bombarded with enormous amounts of information. To enable us to function effectively, our brains have developed filters which delete, distort or generalize the information into manageable chunks.  Our filters start developing in the womb, and particularly in the Imprint Period, 0-7 years old, we are like little sponges, soaking up all the experiences without the benefit of a developed critical faculty. 

 Our filters include our Values, Beliefs, Decisions, Memories, Attitudes and more, and whatever information makes it through the filters becomes part of our individual Map Of Reality, that is, how each of us uniquely interpret the world around us. How we interpret the world, both consciously and unconsciously, determine our emotional state which impacts on our physiology which impacts our behavior and consequently the results we get. 

So how does this relate to conception?  Our experiences, the stories we hear, the images we see, our (mis)interpretations, and our feelings as we grow up are stored a deep unconscious level, but nevertheless form our filters and determine our behaviours.  For example, a two year old playing near her mother and aunt could hear a horror birth story which imprints a deep level belief that having a baby is a terrifying, agonizing and dangerous experience to be avoided at all costs. 

 In my personal journey I discovered my blocks were: “Children are a sacrifice and the end of choice. You can’t travel overseas with children. Birth is always hours of screaming agony.” Plus I also had a mysterious fear of my waters breaking in a supermarket aisle!

Here is a selection of other beliefs I’ve helped my clients uncover and clear, some of which may resonate with you. Bear in mind we can hold beliefs unconsciously that our adult conscious mind dismisses as nonsense:

“A baby means being stuck at home, bored and boring.”

“Birth involves more pain than I could bear.”

“Husbands are always unfaithful to pregnant wives.”

“I’ll end up being just like my mother.”

“I’m not grown up enough to be a parent.”

“A baby means the end of my career.”

“Pregnant women are fat and ugly.”

“I don’t trust my partner.”

“I can’t protect my child from being abused like I was.”

“I don’t deserve a child.”

“We can’t afford a baby.”

“A baby is the end of freedom and fun.”

“I’ll lose my identity and just be a mum.”

 “Giving birth means the end of great sex – I’ll be over-stretched and fat.”

“A baby means my mother-in-law will practically move in with us and really take over.”

“My partner works long hours and does nothing around the house now, so it’d be like being a single mum.”

“Old mothers have deformed babies.”

“Babies get sick and die, and that hurts more than I could bear.”

“The world is an unsafe place for children.”

“I’m not strong enough to protect my children.”

“My abused body is dirty and not a fit place to nurture an innocent child.”

“I’d make a terrible parent because I’m too selfish.”

 Fortunately, what you can identify you can change.  An effective exercise you can do at home to identify underlying blocks is Mind Mapping.  You’ll need a quiet place, paper and coloured pens. Start with a smallish circle with the word “baby” and chose a life area to start e.g. career, relationship, self, health or finances etc. Draw a long tentacle from the circle, and label it. Relax and allow your mind to explore every nook and cranny of the connection between ‘baby’ and ‘career’ for example.  Write each train of thought down on a separate ‘branch’ off the tentacle.  Circle any “Ah Ha” thoughts as you go. 

 Complete each life area the same way, in a different colour, and you could be surprised at what you uncover. 

It’s important to include both positive and negative thoughts, and not to censure yourself in any way – it’s only for your eyes.  An uncomfortable thought is a significant clue, so let it out without judging, write it down and explore it further.  It’s also a powerful exercise for your partner to do, and to compare results. Be prepared for thoughts and feelings you may not expect.  Time  changes how we feel about situations and aspirations.

 Once you’ve uncovered some potentials blocks you’ll need to consider what your next steps are to clear them or change them into something more empowering.  Is it something you can resolve by consciously self-correcting, or researching evidence to the contrary?  Is it an issue you and your partner need to discuss and resolve together?  Would discussing it with a professional trained to clarify and resolve such conflicts be your best option?  Is a specifically designed program such as Conception Coaching the answer for you. The best option for you is the one which gives the feeling of relief you’re looking for, and ultimately the results you want.

–       © Sue Lester