Do you find yourself spending more time thinking about the task than actually doing it? Feeling guilty knowing you should be doing something else? Or do you start and find reasons to stop? There are 3 steps to moving from self sabotage into self motivation: Clarity, Confidence then Motivation itself.
Clarity is about firstly, awareness you are holding yourself back, secondly understanding why, and thirdly working out what you can do to change. Confidence comes from self belief, self worth, knowledge and experience. Motivation itself comes in two forms, one self-sustaining, the other only good for a kick-start.
Self sabotage is the non-alignment between your conscious and your unconscious minds, resulting in that daily conflict. Think of your conscious mind as the captain on board your ship, and below deck are your crew or unconscious mind. Your captain can be announcing full steam ahead this direction, but if your crew are saying, “no, we tried it before, it doesn’t work, we’re afraid, we should go that way instead, the rule book says our family doesn’t do that” etc, your ship will zig zag, stall or even go backwards. E.g. Your captain/conscious mind sets the alarm clock the night before so you can get up earlier to exercise, your crew/unconscious mind hits the snooze button in the morning.
What are your self sabotage weapon/s of choice? Here are some common ones:
- Procrastination…until it’s too late.
- Over- eating, drinking, smoking, spending.
- Buying for others as an excuse to have access.
- Distractions such as TV, computer, email, phone.
- Busy work for others’ needs, including children.
- Self Talk, including saying no in advance for someone.
Self sabotage kills your self esteem and passion for life. Self sabotage guarantees nothing changes. And that serves a deeper level purpose.
There are two main reasons for self sabotage:
- Not important to you – perhaps it clashes with your Values, or it’s important to someone else, not you.
- Fear – of success, failure, that by doing it you might prove you are not enough or not worthy.
Think back to the exercise example. If you are not getting out of bed in the morning to exercise as you promised yourself the night before then chances are you value sleep more than exercise, or value watching TV until late more than a healthy body etc. Perhaps there is resistance because someone else told you to exercise or that you were fat, and sleeping in is your passive protest.
Perhaps you are afraid people will comment on your body while you exercise, or that you’ll feel discomfort or pain, or that you’ll lose your reason not to get that fabulous job or relationship, to socialise, or to stay faithful? Perhaps there is fear that even if you did have a healthy body you still wouldn’t look gorgeous, you still wouldn’t be good enough for others?
What is it for you? Is it one of these or something else? Awareness is the first essential step to changing anything. Now you have the awareness, are you are ready to do something about it? If nothing changes, nothing changes.
Next month: “Part 2 Confidence” Find your source of authentic confidence by making deep, lasting changes.
p.s. If you can’t wait that long, feel free to contact me to discuss your specific needs.
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