You don’t need to be racked by anxiety to have Fear ruling your life. You may not be aware of it, but there is an underlying fear every time you fail to do something you know would improve your life. Even those little inactions throughout each day count. That telephone call you don’t make. The movie you’d love to see but you don’t go to because your partner isn’t interested. Fear keeps us stuck. Fear keeps us from living our potential, and Fear limits the love we can receive.
In this 4 part series I’ll use the stories of 4 women to illustrate how we can identify and clear those fears so we can enrich our lives. To protect my clients, the women’s names have been changed, and may have elements of another’s journey integrated to give you a richer experience.
#1 Rejection/Abandonment.
When Trish came to me she was very unhappy, feeling insecure in her relationship yet desperate to conceive as she felt a baby would bind her husband to her. Trish did absolutely everything she could to pamper her husband, acquiescing to everything he suggested, never expressing her own opinions and desires. She had spent years structuring her life around him to the point she lost contact with her own friends and was now quite lonely. She became very jealous and upset when her husband attended business functions or talked about female colleagues. Trish was scared her husband was becoming distant and hoped a baby would bring him back, and bring some love and joy into her own empty life.
Years ago I moved into my new home and bought a brightly coloured mat to welcome my family and friends into my home. The sunflowers glowed as they welcomed me home each day, and I loved seeing them. At first I kicked my shoes off rather than wipe them on the mat, but one day I was in a hurry and forgot. After that, it was easy, and after all, wasn’t that its job? Days turned into weeks, months, the flowers faded under the sun and dirt to the point I forgot they were even there. One day I noticed the mat was looking quite worn down and not very welcoming. It started to irritate me more and more each time I saw it. Eventually a pretty daisy caught my eye and I dumped the old doormat in the bin.
Although the adult is my client, I strongly believe my duty of care is firstly to the unborn, or yet-to-be-conceived child. Just as it would be unethical to help someone already underweight lose more weight, no matter how fat she feels, helping a woman conceive without first helping her be in the very best physical and emotional state she could be for motherhood is also unethical according to my values. Anyone who believes a baby can fix a broken marriage seriously underestimates the emotional, physical and financial strains a pregnancy then newborn creates for many relationships. Likewise it is unfair to have a baby to fill a void. Every child deserves a whole mother.
In her desire to keep her marriage, Trish had lost her Self and buried everything that had attracted her husband in the first place. Her journey back involved changing her beliefs about her self-worth, identifying her soul needs, and what could make her heart sing. We also adjusted her values, cleared the toxic backlog of negative emotions in her body, and started setting boundaries and goals.
Once we had her relationship with her Self back on track we turned our attention to her relationship with her husband. He was still around because he had started noticing the positive changes in Trish, so was quite open to working on rebuilding their relationship together. They decided to take that extended trip they’d dreamed about together before they married. It is fortunate she didn’t delay taking action any longer!
(c) Sue Lester 2010. www.growingcontent.com.au
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